My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize