How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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