there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
