Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
