I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
