My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
