I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm at about main and main street
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
