U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
