physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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