dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
