Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
