Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
