grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
