alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
