made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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