he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
