Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was like eating out sand paper
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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