my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
