i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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