Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
