It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
