I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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