please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
