I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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