you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So. Much. Porn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
