Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
