Nicole vs. Life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
