you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize