Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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