hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
