gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
