yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He felt like a one man threesome
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
