im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Of course I have a pirate flag
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
