The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Be still, my beating vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
