i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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