i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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