It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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