you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize