Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
