We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
