this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize