My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have tasted many bathrooms
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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