he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Can Purell be used as lube?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
