Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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