ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
