we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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