Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
