see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
