think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
