I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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