so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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