Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
