Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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