Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Two words: blizzard sex
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize