I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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