i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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