she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You need a sexual gate keeper
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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