i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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