so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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