i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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