The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
