It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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