Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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