Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
