sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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