have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
