is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
