her vagine was all disorganized.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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