it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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