I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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