she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
