I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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