dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
