What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
